Being Centered

If you are not centered, your ability to engage is severely impaired and may be completely negated. Being relational is not a step-by-step process. It’s not a do this, and then do that kind of thing. To promote quality dialog, you want to do your best to be engaged, centered, grounded, and clear all at the same time. You may already have a concept in your mind of what it means to be centered, maybe not, or maybe it is not very well defined. What does it mean to be centered?

Everyone gets stuck from time to time in the habitual ways associated with their personal defense mechanisms.
How might you move more freely and gracefully with others?
You have had the experience of feeling in harmony with others and within yourself. That is the essence of being centered. It is both within you, in your center, and around you, in how you are with others. Recall how that felt in your body. Remember that feeling. It is a resource.

In Contrast: Being Centered is not:

You are not centered when:
  • You snap.
  • You have an immediate significant reaction-–whether expressed loudly or tightly--to something someone says, does or fails to do.
  • You find yourself pursing your lips, narrowing your eyes, stomping your feet, waving your arms wildly, tightening your fist, banging the table with your hand, flipping someone off, or making other bodily gestures expressing frustration, anger, or intimidation.
  • You habitually join others to blame someone else.
  • You feel a welling up of negative emotion within you that ultimately unsettles you, so you shut down, you walk off, you close down.
  • You run away, take off, escape into something pleasant or busy, or into a bottle or a pill, or curl up in a ball when something upsets you.

How do you relax your personal reactivity when someone says something to you that you think is completely false or outrageous?
What do you do when someone comes to you with a complaint about another person?

When you engage from a place of center, this is a huge payoff for you. As you practice being centered and responding to triangles in a unitive way, expect restoration of your personal strength and a more steady sense of yourself when confronted with future conflicted situations. Anticipate the benefit of a new or renewed openness to different points of view with the strength to explore collaborative solutions with others in ways you never before realized. When faced with triangle situations, which are everywhere, you remain centered, and you choose unitive triangle as a first option, which increases well-being for all, including yourself. That is a powerful way to create change without destruction and division.

Explore Being Centered

Coming from a place of center does not guide or direct conversation in one way, nor does it seek to control negotiations. You follow the natural rhythm of the interaction.


Being centered allows you to be responsive, not reactive and allows others, when they are upset, to think more clearly, more fully about the situation.